Force Quit on your Losing Streak

Almost a month in, and I’ve stuck to the most important of my new year resolutions: to grow in faith. At the end of last year, I was at odds with relationships in my life and wanted to turn everything over to God. Not only would dedicating the New Year to God bring me closer to Jesus, I felt doing so would also give me the answers I needed to mend the troubles I was having.


In order to hold myself accountable, I made a list of 12 people in my life I wanted to either improve my relationship with or needed to forgive; I make a similar list of 12 topics I wanted to focus on, in order to be a better Christian. I decided I would consciously pray each day for the person I dedicated that month to, and would read specific scripture each day addressing the topic of the month.
The list included subjects such as my parents, my sister, specific friends, my desire for a boyfriend, and working to overcome the negative perception of news. Topics included forgiveness, jealousy, worry, judgment, and being enough for myself.

What I’ve learned in my first month is that both mending and growing relationships, with people and God, takes time. I approached the resolution with optimism and was quickly rewarded with lines of open communication between me and the person I chose for January. But praying and reading the Bible does not automatically grant me positive mending every day. I’ve learned this is a process – there will be days I feel I’ve taken a step back. Yet, overall, I feel more complete. In just one month, a peace has overcome me. While I know there will be days and months full of ups and downs in 2017, I also know I have a God that I can always turn to. And as I grow in this journey, I hope to learn how to¬†better listen and hear His voice, in all the times I turn to Him.


Disclaimer: I have not stuck to my resolutions to practice French twice a week or practice piano three days a week.


Now What?

The big day came and went. I am an official graduate of Texas Tech University. While a college degree is not super special nowadays, and largely expected of any professional ending the field, I am proud of the accomplishment.
But yet I still feel a bit let down by it all.

Four years ago, I imagined this moment changing my life. Yet, here I stand in almost the same position I was in a few months ago. I live in the same apartment, I have the same job. I had this big idea that my whole life would change, for the better of course, and was disappointed when I found my expectations were unrealistic.

But then I remember, a large majority of everyone I graduated with is in the same position I am in. A few have internships, but they will end in a few months. Very few have full time jobs. We are all in this rut of not knowing how our life will turn out.

Reading about a former classmate comment on her own search for all the answers, I found reassurance in the unknown. Waiting for everything to fall into place is one of the hardest things to do, but knowing others have gone through this same struggle and have made it to the other side, is enough to push me to keep working at it.
I will find a full time job. I will find another place to live. I will find happiness in my life choices.