Force Quit on your Losing Streak

Almost a month in, and I’ve stuck to the most important of my new year resolutions: to grow in faith. At the end of last year, I was at odds with relationships in my life and wanted to turn everything over to God. Not only would dedicating the New Year to God bring me closer to Jesus, I felt doing so would also give me the answers I needed to mend the troubles I was having.

2017

In order to hold myself accountable, I made a list of 12 people in my life I wanted to either improve my relationship with or needed to forgive; I make a similar list of 12 topics I wanted to focus on, in order to be a better Christian. I decided I would consciously pray each day for the person I dedicated that month to, and would read specific scripture each day addressing the topic of the month.
The list included subjects such as my parents, my sister, specific friends, my desire for a boyfriend, and working to overcome the negative perception of news. Topics included forgiveness, jealousy, worry, judgment, and being enough for myself.

What I’ve learned in my first month is that both mending and growing relationships, with people and God, takes time. I approached the resolution with optimism and was quickly rewarded with lines of open communication between me and the person I chose for January. But praying and reading the Bible does not automatically grant me positive mending every day. I’ve learned this is a process – there will be days I feel I’ve taken a step back. Yet, overall, I feel more complete. In just one month, a peace has overcome me. While I know there will be days and months full of ups and downs in 2017, I also know I have a God that I can always turn to. And as I grow in this journey, I hope to learn how to better listen and hear His voice, in all the times I turn to Him.

 

Disclaimer: I have not stuck to my resolutions to practice French twice a week or practice piano three days a week.

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Make Following Your Heart the Whole Point

Dropping to my knees, I cried out to God, “What do you want from me?” Physical heartache is a real thing, except, at the age of 23, it wasn’t a boy I was sobbing over; it was a different type of soul mate.
My new year resolution was to look toward God for an answer: where did He want me? Driving to my third-shift schedule each day, I began listening to Christian radio stations. Truthfully, it was because they were one of only a few stations I could count on to have music, rather than commercials, as I drove through the dark. But they also became a source of answers. I asked God to tell me where He wanted me – and hoped He’d reveal the answer through one of the song

When Nothing is Sure, Everything is Possible.

In the five months that lead up to the moment I found myself crying on my bedroom floor, I felt His guidance answer both “go” and “stay” in nearly every aspect of my life: through the songs on the radio, through discussions with friends, and through readings at church. Yet on that day in May, with each new breath I drew in, the only thing I felt was defeat.
I had been striving to get a job in my dream city, Austin, for nearly a year. And for nearly a year I’ve been faced with one rejected application after another. I was often asked why I loved Austin so much, and I never had a good enough answer for even myself. I didn’t know what drew me to Austin, but I knew I had to get there.
After the failed application in May, I began to think more heavily about leaving my current life, and simply moving to the Texas capital, without the means to pay for rent. Without a clear answer from God through music or prayer, I simply thought, “He wouldn’t give me this desire without a reason. I must need to be there.”

Be Fearless in What You Want.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend quitting a job to move to a city without another job to most anyone. But I didn’t feel I had any other choice. It wasn’t just that I wanted to be in Austin; I was so unhappy where I was living and felt my life had no meaning. Time after time, I tried to make the move, and for one reason or another, the efforts never worked out.
Hunched over my computer with an Excel spreadsheet open, I crunched the numbers another day. I did everything I could to save up as much as I could, so that I could pay rent for as long as it took to stand out to an employer – at least enough for one to say to me, “You’re hired!” Even as my savings grew, stress poured from every pore on my body.
But as always, God had a plan. He never leads us where He can’t provide.

When You do Things God’s Way, You Get God’s Results.

On August 19th, 2015, I pulled away from my friend’s apartment, where I had been staying for two weeks until I could move into my apartment in Austin, and left Lubbock in my rear view mirror. I moved into the cheapest apartment I could find, with three randomly-selected roommates. And as God would have it – it was one of those roommates that would help me land a job.
Twenty-two days after driving six hours from one end of the state to the other, my phone rang. I got a job.

Everything You Are Going Through is Preparing You For What You Asked For.

Looking through my phone a few months ago, I stumbled upon an email draft for a blog post I later wrote. Instead of deleting it, I kept it as a nice reminder of how quickly God can turn seemingly hopeless situations into moments of joy.
Dated September 25, 2015 – one month after I moved to Austin and days after I started my new job – I wrote, “If you are wondering if it will be worth it, it will. If you question if you can do it, you can.
At my lowest point, I told myself, making it to my goal and living out my dream would be great, but it wouldn’t be worth the pain in that moment.
I was wrong.
All the pain, all the doubts, all the worry that haunted me, day in and day out, vanished with the call that I had gotten a job. The next time I drove down the road and turned to see the Austin skyline paint itself across the sky, I thought: ‘I live here. This is my life.’
And just like that, a year worth of desire was satisfied.”
It’s amazing to me, when I look back on the last year of my life. There are so many moments I reflect upon and think, “If I took control of my life, rather than hand it over to God, there’s no telling where I’d be.”
If I had moved any of the given times I tried to, I wouldn’t have met my roommate. If I moved into any other apartment complex, I wouldn’t have a stranger-turned-friend to thank for my first job in Austin.

Take Every Risk. Drop Every Fear.

Though my mother came to Texas to help me move in, I never truly felt full support from either of one my parents to quit a job and move somewhere without one to replace it. While growing up in a loving and supportive household, I’ve always had different dreams and desires than my parents. After each phone call home filled with tears, I wondered if they truly understood what this dream meant to me. Three days before I received the call that I was no longer unemployed, I sent this email to my mom.
“Thought I would share this happy thought with you…
I knew moving to Austin would make me happy eventually, but I didn’t know how happy it would make me, or how long it would take. Aka, how much moving was the “fix” I needed in my life.
A couple weeks ago in church, after the sermon when they stand up and list off prayers (“Lord, hear our prayer”), the last one is always ‘and for those intentions held in the silence of your heart.’ For more than a year I asked for a job in Austin, to move to Austin, for a way to get to Austin, etc. For the first time since I can remember, I literally stopped because I didn’t have a prayer. In the moment of silence, I could not think of one single thing to ask God for; I had it all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could not have even imagined what it would feel like. Pure happiness. Knowing I made the right choice; that I’m in the exact place God wants me.”

I still struggle to explain it to people – when they ask me what it is I love about Austin so much – but I no longer struggle for an answer myself. I call Austin my soul mate because it is for me exactly what I always imagined a spouse would be. Austin makes me what to be a better person; the city makes me what to go out, experience live, and fall asleep happy. In a way, my heart was broken a year and a half ago, just as in a breakup, when yet another rejected application meant at least one more day away from the place that makes me feel most authentic.
Going through the unhappiness and the struggle of trying to figure out what to do with my life and where to live it, brought me closer to God. In an effort to know all the answers, I developed a new relationship with The Lord, like one I hadn’t experienced before.
I still don’t have all the answers. I don’t know God’s plan for my life or why He put this desire and love for Austin on my heart, but never before in my life have I ever felt as if I was any more in the right place at the right time, as when I drive by the city’s skyline. Whatever His plan is, I know that I am living it out.

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Collect Moments, Not Things.

Facing your Fears: Making the Big Move

If you are wondering if it will be worth it, it will.
If you question if you can do it, you can.

At my lowest point, I told myself making it to my goal and living out my dream would be great, but it wouldn’t be worth the pain in that moment.
I was wrong.

All the pain, all the doubts, all the worry that haunted me, day in and day out, vanished with the call that I had gotten a job. The next time I drove down the road and turned to see the Austin skyline paint itself across the sky, I thought: “I live here. This is my life.”
And just like that, a year worth of desire was satisfied.

Austin, Texas. Looking down South Congress.

Photo credit: Instagram @AustinPassbook

A friend recently told me how unhappy she’s become in her job and city. I’ve learned from experience, when you are in that position, everyone tells you to “wait it out.” But that doesn’t always work. Everyone tells you “it will be worth the pain,” but that doesn’t numb it.

Time doesn’t fix everything. Change can fix things too. You have to put yourself out there. Take the chance. Make the change. Flipping your life upside down may be exactly what you need to find happiness.

At church this morning, I was reminded that happiness is the greatest pleasure we experience, in Heaven. But just as often as we experience suffering on Earth, we can also experience happiness. God didn’t make us in His image to be unhappy during every moment of our Earthly lives.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.”
Matthew 5:1-12

If you know what you want, but are scared if taking the chance will work out in your favor: Do it. If it truly is your dream to live somewhere else, or work in a different field, or date someone new – it will work out. We have a way of putting in a little extra effort toward the life we want to live.

So go out. Live your life.

Austin, Texas. Capitol

Photo credit: Instagram @EmilyPellegrini

Follow your heart, and follow your head

This month, I will be leaving my job to move to Austin. This is my dream, though doing so without a job wasn’t included in my plan. A friend told me, maybe I’m supposed to go without a job, and after applying from afar for a year without success, I think she may be right. This could be God’s way of making me trust him.

Getting a job out of college in the field you studied may appear to the world that you are “on the right path,” but only you know what’s right for you. While I am thankful for the experiences I’ve had, I’m ready to find a balance in my life. I’m ready to live the life I am supposed to, discovering new things and enjoying each day, rather than simply going through the motions.
Austin makes me want to be a better person. It opens my mind to new ways of thinking. It makes me want to reach out and help others. It makes me want to grow in my faith. It makes want to live an active and healthy life. It makes me happy.

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

Will I fail? Maybe. Does that scare me? Unbelievable. But I am confident in myself, and will trust The Lord.

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