Hope for the Heart

“Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy – even precarious. This is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting my promises to care for you.”

– Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

I dedicated my prayer month of February to worry. I have struggled with this issue in my faith for a long time. I am both a worrywart and a control freak so handing over something – like my future – is extremely difficult to me. While I believe God wants us to do things for ourselves and take personal responsibility, ultimately, He will always be in control.

During the first three weeks of the month, I felt I made no movement in giving up control and my daily act of worrying; in fact, after a few hits to my budget and difficulties at my side job, I felt even more overwhelmed by worry than usual. But in the past week, scripture has come to my rescue, helping me to forgo some of my worries. Both big issues – with my budget and the second job – resolved themselves in the best possible way, and the sermon at church this week was all about letting go of anxieties (Matthew 6). If that isn’t God’s reassurance to let Him sit in the driver’s seat, I don’t know what is.

If there is one thing I’ve learned in the last two months of this elevated prayer journey, it’s that – no matter how strong your faith is – you will experience high and low periods. God is continually testing us to see if we really do trust Him with our lives. When faced with troubles and triggers that set off a list of worrisome questions in my head, I have learned to calm my fears by praying. When I don’t have the words, I simply say The Lord’s Prayer, and I’m overcome with peace.

As difficult as it seems sometimes to give up the weight we carry around each day, I know it would be much more difficult to face my troubles and anxieties alone. With God in my court, I know I truly don’t have anything to worry about.

Force Quit on your Losing Streak

Almost a month in, and I’ve stuck to the most important of my new year resolutions: to grow in faith. At the end of last year, I was at odds with relationships in my life and wanted to turn everything over to God. Not only would dedicating the New Year to God bring me closer to Jesus, I felt doing so would also give me the answers I needed to mend the troubles I was having.

2017

In order to hold myself accountable, I made a list of 12 people in my life I wanted to either improve my relationship with or needed to forgive; I make a similar list of 12 topics I wanted to focus on, in order to be a better Christian. I decided I would consciously pray each day for the person I dedicated that month to, and would read specific scripture each day addressing the topic of the month.
The list included subjects such as my parents, my sister, specific friends, my desire for a boyfriend, and working to overcome the negative perception of news. Topics included forgiveness, jealousy, worry, judgment, and being enough for myself.

What I’ve learned in my first month is that both mending and growing relationships, with people and God, takes time. I approached the resolution with optimism and was quickly rewarded with lines of open communication between me and the person I chose for January. But praying and reading the Bible does not automatically grant me positive mending every day. I’ve learned this is a process – there will be days I feel I’ve taken a step back. Yet, overall, I feel more complete. In just one month, a peace has overcome me. While I know there will be days and months full of ups and downs in 2017, I also know I have a God that I can always turn to. And as I grow in this journey, I hope to learn how to better listen and hear His voice, in all the times I turn to Him.

 

Disclaimer: I have not stuck to my resolutions to practice French twice a week or practice piano three days a week.

Reflection.

You’ve probably been hearing it for weeks now – 2016 was the worst year in history. Not that we humans like to exaggerate much.
Given the political climate, most point to the election as the troublemaker. Others are upset over the numerous Hollywood loses. Still, I can’t help but look back on the year with pride. As others wallow in anger and resentment at their previous 12 months, this party-of-one has done quite well.
I’ve reached two of my biggest goals thus far – all within the last 365 days. In July, I moved into my first apartment. I haven’t lived with my parents since I started college, but I’ve always had roommates. While some have become lifelong friends and others enemies, I’ve always dreamed of a space of my own.
In September I accepted a job in my field, that I love. I was missing something in my life for a few months when I felt God lead me back to the news, and I couldn’t be happier.
But it’s not just me. I think if anyone truly reflected on their past year, they too could find high points of happiness and pride. Each January, I write a list of resolutions or goals I want to reach by the end of the calendar. Though I often forget about them a couple months later, when I look back on them the last week in December, I see I have reached many of them. I pray the upcoming year is as good as 2016 really has been.

Giving Thanks

Around this time of year, people often express their thankfulness and gratitude. But we should pray for humble awakenings throughout the entire year.

“When the high spring of gratitude to God fails at the top of the mountain, soon all the pools of thankfulness begin to dry up further down the mountain. And when gratitude goes, the sovereignty of the self condones more and more corruption for is pleasure.” – Pastor John, from Desiring God, “Violence, Ugliness, and Thanksgiving”

I am thankful today and everyday for the past two months, for a job I truly love. It’s amazing the transformation that can occur in someone when they feel appreciated and necessary – not only in their workplace, but also in the world. Working for the news can be rough sometimes. Not only do we field hate from people that disagree with stories we broadcast, but we do it all while living apart from our families, working odd hours, and for little money. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Leaving work each day knowing I educated at least one person on something going on in the community or world, puts a smile on my face.

“If you’re looking for God’s Will for your life, get involved in what He’s instructed us to do.” – Michelle Myers

I think back three months when I began hearing God’s voice call me back into the industry I left only one year before. Faced with the negativity and strain to my personal life, I got out of news without any fear that I would miss it. Now, I walk into the newsroom each day with confidence. I am in the exact right place, at the exact right time.

“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.” – Roald Dahl

God places things on our hearts for a reason. When you follow your heart, you’re likely going in the direction God is leading. I am thankful today and every day for following in the path God placed on my heart – right back to the newsroom.

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KTBC / Fox 7

 

Make Following Your Heart the Whole Point

Dropping to my knees, I cried out to God, “What do you want from me?” Physical heartache is a real thing, except, at the age of 23, it wasn’t a boy I was sobbing over; it was a different type of soul mate.
My new year resolution was to look toward God for an answer: where did He want me? Driving to my third-shift schedule each day, I began listening to Christian radio stations. Truthfully, it was because they were one of only a few stations I could count on to have music, rather than commercials, as I drove through the dark. But they also became a source of answers. I asked God to tell me where He wanted me – and hoped He’d reveal the answer through one of the song

When Nothing is Sure, Everything is Possible.

In the five months that lead up to the moment I found myself crying on my bedroom floor, I felt His guidance answer both “go” and “stay” in nearly every aspect of my life: through the songs on the radio, through discussions with friends, and through readings at church. Yet on that day in May, with each new breath I drew in, the only thing I felt was defeat.
I had been striving to get a job in my dream city, Austin, for nearly a year. And for nearly a year I’ve been faced with one rejected application after another. I was often asked why I loved Austin so much, and I never had a good enough answer for even myself. I didn’t know what drew me to Austin, but I knew I had to get there.
After the failed application in May, I began to think more heavily about leaving my current life, and simply moving to the Texas capital, without the means to pay for rent. Without a clear answer from God through music or prayer, I simply thought, “He wouldn’t give me this desire without a reason. I must need to be there.”

Be Fearless in What You Want.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend quitting a job to move to a city without another job to most anyone. But I didn’t feel I had any other choice. It wasn’t just that I wanted to be in Austin; I was so unhappy where I was living and felt my life had no meaning. Time after time, I tried to make the move, and for one reason or another, the efforts never worked out.
Hunched over my computer with an Excel spreadsheet open, I crunched the numbers another day. I did everything I could to save up as much as I could, so that I could pay rent for as long as it took to stand out to an employer – at least enough for one to say to me, “You’re hired!” Even as my savings grew, stress poured from every pore on my body.
But as always, God had a plan. He never leads us where He can’t provide.

When You do Things God’s Way, You Get God’s Results.

On August 19th, 2015, I pulled away from my friend’s apartment, where I had been staying for two weeks until I could move into my apartment in Austin, and left Lubbock in my rear view mirror. I moved into the cheapest apartment I could find, with three randomly-selected roommates. And as God would have it – it was one of those roommates that would help me land a job.
Twenty-two days after driving six hours from one end of the state to the other, my phone rang. I got a job.

Everything You Are Going Through is Preparing You For What You Asked For.

Looking through my phone a few months ago, I stumbled upon an email draft for a blog post I later wrote. Instead of deleting it, I kept it as a nice reminder of how quickly God can turn seemingly hopeless situations into moments of joy.
Dated September 25, 2015 – one month after I moved to Austin and days after I started my new job – I wrote, “If you are wondering if it will be worth it, it will. If you question if you can do it, you can.
At my lowest point, I told myself, making it to my goal and living out my dream would be great, but it wouldn’t be worth the pain in that moment.
I was wrong.
All the pain, all the doubts, all the worry that haunted me, day in and day out, vanished with the call that I had gotten a job. The next time I drove down the road and turned to see the Austin skyline paint itself across the sky, I thought: ‘I live here. This is my life.’
And just like that, a year worth of desire was satisfied.”
It’s amazing to me, when I look back on the last year of my life. There are so many moments I reflect upon and think, “If I took control of my life, rather than hand it over to God, there’s no telling where I’d be.”
If I had moved any of the given times I tried to, I wouldn’t have met my roommate. If I moved into any other apartment complex, I wouldn’t have a stranger-turned-friend to thank for my first job in Austin.

Take Every Risk. Drop Every Fear.

Though my mother came to Texas to help me move in, I never truly felt full support from either of one my parents to quit a job and move somewhere without one to replace it. While growing up in a loving and supportive household, I’ve always had different dreams and desires than my parents. After each phone call home filled with tears, I wondered if they truly understood what this dream meant to me. Three days before I received the call that I was no longer unemployed, I sent this email to my mom.
“Thought I would share this happy thought with you…
I knew moving to Austin would make me happy eventually, but I didn’t know how happy it would make me, or how long it would take. Aka, how much moving was the “fix” I needed in my life.
A couple weeks ago in church, after the sermon when they stand up and list off prayers (“Lord, hear our prayer”), the last one is always ‘and for those intentions held in the silence of your heart.’ For more than a year I asked for a job in Austin, to move to Austin, for a way to get to Austin, etc. For the first time since I can remember, I literally stopped because I didn’t have a prayer. In the moment of silence, I could not think of one single thing to ask God for; I had it all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could not have even imagined what it would feel like. Pure happiness. Knowing I made the right choice; that I’m in the exact place God wants me.”

I still struggle to explain it to people – when they ask me what it is I love about Austin so much – but I no longer struggle for an answer myself. I call Austin my soul mate because it is for me exactly what I always imagined a spouse would be. Austin makes me what to be a better person; the city makes me what to go out, experience live, and fall asleep happy. In a way, my heart was broken a year and a half ago, just as in a breakup, when yet another rejected application meant at least one more day away from the place that makes me feel most authentic.
Going through the unhappiness and the struggle of trying to figure out what to do with my life and where to live it, brought me closer to God. In an effort to know all the answers, I developed a new relationship with The Lord, like one I hadn’t experienced before.
I still don’t have all the answers. I don’t know God’s plan for my life or why He put this desire and love for Austin on my heart, but never before in my life have I ever felt as if I was any more in the right place at the right time, as when I drive by the city’s skyline. Whatever His plan is, I know that I am living it out.

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Collect Moments, Not Things.

Easter: The Season of Renewal

“Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow.And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men.But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said.”
Matthew 28:1-6

For many Christians, Easter is like New Year’s Day. Jesus was resurrected on the third day, so the number three must be good. After possibly failing to commit fully to their New Year resolutions and Lenten promises, NOW is the time they change for the better. He is risen, and you will change.

It’s the journey that matters, though, not the final result. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you get up, ask forgiveness, and live each day fulfilling The Lord’s plan as best you can, you will be successful in reaching Heaven.

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.”
Jeremiah 17:10

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God Bless Texas

“I have said that Texas is a state of mind, but I think it is more than that. It is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it and, as in other religions, few people dare to inspect it for fear of losing their bearings in mystery or paradox. But I think there will be little quarrel with my feeling that Texas is one thing. For all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Rich, poor, Panhandle, Gulf, city, country, Texas is the obsession, the proper study, and the passionate possession of all Texans.”

– John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America

It’s been six months since I’ve moved to Austin, and I’m more in love with Texas than ever before. When I moved to Lubbock 5 1/2 years ago, I questioned why all my classmates were obsessed with the state. I didn’t have anything against Texas, but their obsessive love made me defend my belief that it was “just a state,” as was every other state. Nothing special.

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At work a few weeks ago, my boss interrupted me to point out, “the girl from Ohio is wearing a Texas necklace.” The tables have turned.

A week before receiving the gold chained state with a heart precisely where Austin resides, I gushed to my cousins about how great Texas is, in an attempt to get everyone to move to my oasis. The truth is, I’ve become that boastful Texan, proud to flaunt my license and ready at any moment to talk about my Lone Star home.

But I don’t think the expansive landscape is what caused me to fall head over heels; it’s that, this place I call home, is what shaped me into the woman I am today. Stepping out from everything I knew at 18, to come to Texas for school, alone, forced me to define who I wanted to be.

Now, more than five years later, I can look back and see the transformation and growth my life has lived. I am proud of whom I’ve become, what I stand for, how I present myself, and where I foresee myself going next. Discovering myself has brought happiness to my life, and recognizing that happiness makes me want to help others find their happiness, which, spoken like any good Texan, means moving South.