“So we’ll go and tell ourselves, That this is for the best”

A Day To Remember: When 3’s A Crowd.

I’m giving up the expectation of other’s approval or happiness, in hope that I will find peace and my own happiness. I feel like everyone who has helped me along the way is patting themselves on their back. My teachers congratulate themselves for teaching a student that has a full-time job a month out of college. My parents congratulate themselves for raising a daughter who has a full-time job a month out of college. I’m thankful for each and everyone of them, and the help they’ve provided to me, but none of them see how unhappy I am.

Fourth of July Parade.

In between searching for BBQ joints, drinking on patios, and gazing at firework upon a rooftop this weekend, I somehow found time to google “how to get your dream job at 22.” As if the answer is simple enough to be spelled out to me in the middle of a dozen search result pages.

Well, the answer didn’t pop out to me; I mean, it’s not exactly a song lyric stored in Google’s vast collection of knowledge. The only thing that pops out at me right now is how single I am, as the number of childhood friends getting engaged increases.
I’m just looking for search result number one to be journalism or culinary and travel writing related, in Austin. Add in weekly work meetings consisting of beer tastings, and you’ve got me. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

A lot of older people will tell youngsters to follow their dreams, start that business, move to that city, travel to that country-broke, now, because they will regret not doing it, later in life. We’ll, that’s great. And we all want to do one or more of those things. But there’s this thing called money. And it’s necessary to do any of those things. And we make money from jobs. Just not our dream job. Which leads me to my computer, asking questions Google is incapable of answering.

In the month following my walk across that stage, the only thing I feel I’ve learned is another thing I don’t like or want in life. I can’t seem to pinpoint what it is I do want. And the few things I can list as goals to work towards, aren’t exactly realistic. No one wants to pay me to travel the world? Crazy.
But I’m learning, figuring out what I don’t want is just as important as figuring out what I do want. And I think I need to step back and realize, I have time to figure out. It doesn’t all have to be spelled out right this second. I’d be nice if I did. I’d have something new to tell family members at that one gathering a year I make it to. But I don’t have to have it all figured out. Heck, I haven’t cared much about what people think of me in the past. Why start now?

I’ll just keep at it. Set short-term goals I know I can achieve. And live in this moment. It’s going to be great when I’m 40 and have it all figured out. But it’s also great now, being able to drink on a patio with friends on a random Thursday, soaking in the sun without the fear of a hangover.

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